Saturday, July 31, 2010

Pictures-no video yet

at Wal-Mart, he can just sleep anwhere!!

Tobi at his private swim lessons at the "Y"

What a sweet, sleeping baby!

At Mimi's ,pulling up on this antique rocking chair that was mine

Luke and Tobi, passed out in Mommy & Daddy's bed

Monday, July 26, 2010

finally another entry!!

So I got my new camera several weeks ago and now that my husband bought me a laptop for my birthday, I'm gonna try to get better about updating this blog. I'm gonna see if i can add a short bit of video I took of Luke about a week or so ago saying "Mama"'s so sweet. We noticed in the video, even though it wasn't focused for whatever reason, that his left eye was turning in. I though all Tobi's vision problems were from him being so premature, but apparently, it's on my side of the family, since my nephew, Cason, has had serious vision issues as well, and he'll be 2 in December. So we have an apt with Dr. Metz next Wednesday.

I ended up taking Tobi to the ENT last Tuesday, July 27th, cause his horrible nose bleeds were getting worse. He'd had 4, heavy bleeds the Thurs before with Nana & Papa, and since Nana is a nurse, she agreed it'd be a good idea to get him checked out since our assessment that they were related to the BP problems he'd had since he was 2 were not longer present. I also had mentioned it to the school nurse when I registered him and she was glad that I made an apt because of how often Tobi had to go see her for nose bleeds. I went ahead and picked Luke up early so that I'd not have to go back by there after Tobi's apt. He'd been running a fever and that seemed to be his only symptom. I thought it might be teething, but I didn't think it would get as high as it was for that. As the nurse practitioner got all of Tobi's info, I asked her to look in Luke's ears since he had 102 fever and I'd given him some Motrin while we'd been waiting to see the doc. She said that I needed to get him registered as he had an ear infection. So, it was decided that Tobi would have his blood vessels cauterized with the silver nitrate that was used to remove the overgrowth of tissue around Tobi's g-tube when he had it. Dr. Hill said he'll also check for polyps in Tobi's sinuses. Although I think it's a bit soon, they're gonna go ahead and put tubes in Luke's ears. He's only had 3 infections but I guess they want to be proactive. They are gonna be done on the same day, August 19th at TCHA since both boys will have to have anesthesia precautions.

My dear friend Amber has been doing really well considering. I'm very proud of her. I cannot imagine, nor do I want to, going through what we've gone through, 3 times. She's going back to work Monday. I had to take a lot longer off after Layah died. The devotional's verses today on Our Daily Bread web site reminded me of something. It's John 20:19-29. What stuck out to me was the last verse, " Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not see and yet believed." I thought about how it's very easy to have faith when there's no turmoil, tragedy, or trial one is facing, but when any of these occur, that's when faith is refined and purified. Now don't get me wrong, I don't WANT to go through any problems, or EVER face a tragedy like we experienced with Layah, but I do know that my God used that to draw me closer so that He doesn't have to "yell", 'I'm always with you' because my face is resting on His chest, feeling His peace and assurance.

Faithfully His,


Friday, July 2, 2010


So, I hate to admit it, but I have become addicted to the Twilight Saga. I started listening to the books on CD about a month ago and I have not been able to get enough. Matt and I are going to see the newest book released, Eclipse, at the theater tonight. I haven't picked out a movie that I wanted to watch since i was probably single! I feel like a preteen all over again, the way I crushed on the New Kids on the Block, or Luke Perry from 90210. This story is just so romantic, mysterious, action packed, not to mention complete with HOT guys! Anyway, I have felt very anxious to get back to updating my blog so here goes:

I thought the title fitting since that's kinda what happened to my heart the Friday afternoon I started on this blog entry. My dear friend, Amber, who has walked the path of a grieving mother twice before me, now grieves a third time, her precious baby girl, Shiloh Hope, who came at 22 weeks, on the 2nd-she same numeric day of our precious Layah. We all were so sure this baby was going to make it. This pregnancy would be full term, after all, she wasn't even supposed to have been able to get pregnant again. That was a miracle in and of itself. My heart, happy, excited, energized about my date with my "wolf", was darkened by this news that I received through her friend Alison, on facebook. I was in shock. I was angry, devastated, and it wasn't even my child, but why? God, why? How could you not intervene? How could you not keep that baby safely in her protective womb at least for 4-6 more weeks? This fallen world, Earth, is so full of unfairities. The scale of good things for good people and bad things for bad people is so mixed up. My heart continues to ache for her, just trying to fathom the emptiness her arms feel, having this 3rd baby taken from her, along with all her hopes, dreams, and plans for her. I just don't understand.

Then, Saturday, I found out that the associate director at Bright Horizon, Kembra Gordon, drowned at Orange Beach on Friday the 2nd, trying to save a friend's 2 year old. Tradgedy. It's something you can never prepare for, never anticipate how you're going to respond or react to it. All of the teachers' faces at BH were blank, not sure what to say, or if they should even say anything, afraid they might start crying in front of the children. It was obvious how much Kembra meant to all of them. Even Luke's precious teacher, Mrs. Durlyn, who is a sweet, Christian, kindred spirit, had a very unfamiliar look about her. I've never seen her without a smile, always singing and talking to our babies, yet she was quiet. Kembra leaves behind 3 daugthers, the youngest about to be a senior at Spain Park. I heard that Kembra had planned to move to the beach after her youngest graduated. Plans made, that she would have no incling would be so far removed from her future. There's another song that I heard (I hate to say I haven't been listening to much music lately since I've been listening to the books of Twilight, no on Breaking Dawn), but it's called "No Matter What", by Kerri Roberts and it cut so close to home as I heard the words:

I’m running back to your promises one more time,
Lord that’s all I can hold on to,
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you.
Before a heartache can ever touch my life,
it has to go through Your hands,
and even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why,
No matter what,
I’m gonna love You,
no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
When I’m stuck and there’s nothing else by myself,
I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help,
I wont even try it.
I know You have Your reasons for everything,
so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling,
God you are my hope, and you will be my strength,
No matter what,
I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,
I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.
Anything I don’t have You can give it to me,
but it’s ok if You don’t,
I’m not here for those things,
the touch of Your love is enough on its own,
no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You
No matter what I’m gonna love you,
no matter what I’m gonna need you,
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not ,
I’ll trust You, no matter what, no matter what.
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain,
but if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what
I pray that tragedy is held at bay for many, many years in my family's life. I pray that one day, when faced with a difficult situation, I can speak, sing, those words to Him -no matter what.
Faithfully His,