Monday, August 31, 2009

Devotional and 34.4 week update

I love the book of Psalm. It's songs of praise and love, and songs of desperation and honest feelings towards God. Psalm just shows that at the same time we are in a terrible storm in life, we also can sing His praises, and at the next minute, be expressing anger or fear or worry to our heavenly father. I see a perfectly open relationship, communicating in every aspect of our lives. I read today, Psalm 8: "...From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise..." I immediately thought of my precious daughter in heaven singing to and with the Lord. I visualize her sitting on His lap and them singing a tune only the two of them would know. Then the Psalm goes on to say, "...when I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You made him rule over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet..." That reminded me how much more precious we are to him than the creatures of this world, the planets, and amazing sites we see in nature, like volcanoes, the tide of the sea, a penguin dad keep his baby warm on his feet, and on and on. He makes no mistakes in creation. All that he created, yet we are who and what He loves most. We have His heart, after all, His heart was breaking, as His precious, only son, was crucified, because of His love for us, and the chance he hoped to have a relationship with each one of us! Wow, that's amazing; He wants and is able to have a personal relationship with each of us!

I've been very emotional lately, just being excited that Luke is soon to come and I cant wait to meet him, and missing my sweet baby girl. As I laid in bed last night and he wiggle around in my tummy, (running out of room in there), I just thought "how can a mom feel all this life in there and not believe in the Creator". This is truly amazing. (side note: Luke has the hiccups every day, and I was concerned, so I asked the nurse and was assured it was fine. Many babies have them a lot, some none at all. They think it's their central nervous system and their diaphram practicing the movement of breathing in and out).There is a living human in there alive and growing, being nourished by me, depending on me. It reminds me that we are too be dependent 100% on our heavenly Father, and many times that is easier said that done. The pastor yesterday said that we are suppose to make our lives into alignment with God's assignment. I pray that I am doing just that so that God's perfect will for me and my family's future will be fulfilled. He has a plan, we know this. But many times, He cant get us to that outcome because our lives are not aligned with Him. We need to all check ourselves from time to time to make sure our lives are in alignment with His word.

Now for the update, when I went to the OB last Thursday, Joey said that the plan is to take the stitch out, hopefully in the office, on the 8th, which is Tobi's birthday!!! If it cannot be seen or felt, they will have to remove it in the OR, so please pray this will be easy as a "snip snip" and that's all. After that, it will be up to Luke and my body. I am praying that he will stay in there at least 2 more weeks after the cerclage comes out, but I know the Lord is in control of that. We will be ready, with bags packed, for when the time comes. This has really been a very different time for us, as "preparing" for our children's arrival has never been the case. Matt says I've been a bit of a crazy woman, and I tend to agree a bit. We got everything done in the room that was a must...well Matt put the furniture together and painted, and I did everything else. I even have Luke's letters for his name painted and ribbons attached, I just have to hang them. We got the dresser, bed, and storage unit in place. I've washed, and washed, and washed. I got the pack n play out and stocked with necessities for the living room. I've got the bassinet together and stocked, ready in our room. We still have to get the car seat bases installed, but we will do that very shortly. I told Matt if we'd had to plan our wedding, (we planned and married within a week!) I'd have been crazy! I've gained about 30 pounds and am just now getting a bit uncomfortable at night but nothing that keeps me awake. I'm anxious to know how much Luke weighs, but we're probably gonna have to wait and find that out once he comes. I cant believe it's almost time for him to be here. It's been a long journey and a short one at the same time. Every time he moves in me, I am thankful of His faithfulness.

"Lord, thank you for being the author of life. Thank you for being in control of my life and the struggles I face. Thank you for forgiving me when I fail you and showing your mercy and grace. Thank you for your favor and blessing us immensely. Thank you for your ultimate sacrifice and expression of love through your only Son. I know you understand my pain and my longing for my children. I know you understand my grief and this journey I've walked and will continue to walk until I meet you and Layah face to face. I thank you for the hope and peace that is only found in you. Please continue to hold your hand of protection on Luke, strengthening him, and preparing him for a healthy life here on earth; preparing him to be a vessel for you. Help me be the mother you would want me to be to raise him to be a God-fearing man, " in favor with God and favor with man, "as your son was. In Jesus name, Amen.

Faithfully His,


Monday, August 24, 2009

Devotional and Four weeks and some change

Thursday when I posted, I mentioned this devotional. I had read it that morning before I got the call from Tobi's VP. I had sent it to my friend Johanna, thinking it was intended for her, but little did I know, it was for me too. The verse was Isaiah 40:29 "He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength." The devotional talked about Joseph and all the difficulties he went through, being rejected by his family, sold into slavery, lied about, mistreated, abandoned, falsely accused,and thrown in jail. But through it all, Joseph never gave up. He kept pressing on and doing the right thing even though the wrong thing kept happening to him. The devotional mentioned the verse Psalm 105:18 "They bruised his feet with shackles his neck was put into irons, til what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true" and it says that through his fight, Joseph's soul became as strong as steel, because God gave him supernatural strength. The devotional said " If you are going through difficulty today, God wants to increase your strength. He wants to increase your power to overcome. He wants to make your inner man as strong as steel. When you keep standing, keep believing, keep doing the right thing, you are opening yourself to God's supernatural strength. That's when you know you are growing in Him. Be strong today. Keep pressing forward because God is at work increasing strength in you so that you can live in victory in every area of your life!" I knew this was for me....and many.

So, yesterday was Sunday, my baby shower for Luke, at my sister-in-law Christi's house. I was very excited and anxious to see many of my friends that I dont get to see often. They always say that 1\2 of your guests list will show, but given the situation with this not being a "normal" pregnancy baby shower, I figured more than half would show. I was a bit disappointed that only 2 friends, (beside Ginger and Joy who are more than friends, they are sisters to me) showed. I had a great deal of family, but those I had hoped to be there, did not show, or were sick. I know the ones that were sick couldn't help it, and one that has 5 kids (which anything could have happened to her schedule!) I could understand, but a few others, I'm not sure why they didn't show. Nevertheless, we had a great time, and great food. Ginger, who is Lebanese, prepared her famous grape leaves (if you haven't ever had these, you are missing out. we've been known to eat them till we are sick!),and Tabouli/Tabbouleh salad. I really appreciate her doing that because I know it is a lot of preparation and she has 2 little ones. We had a beautiful cake that was purchased by my sister in law from a chef in Trussville. It was his "finale cake" as he was no longer going to be doing cakes. We had 5 quarts of Newt's chicken salad (which there's a funny story behind that amount), a beautiful fruit tray that one of Joy's friend's moms made. We had spinach dip, and a chicken cheese ball, that my sister in law made. I ate till I almost popped yesterday! I got many great things, and just getting to hang out with everyone was fun.

Once I got home, I think I was on an adrenaline rush or something cause I wanted to get things put away, and started washing stuff. I didnt stop going til about 10:30. It's weired cause since we weren't at all prepared for Tobi since he came so early and now we are able to prepare this time, and I'm thinking, "I have this and this and this to do....OMG, I'm not gonna get it all done before he comes!" I know that's crazy. I am just so blessed to have such a wonderful family. We've been through so much and it's so amazing to see God's plan unfold for us.

More to come.....

Faithfully His,


Saturday, August 22, 2009

It's always something....

Getting later and later at posting a new entry, but I'm in that nesting phase....and there's SO much that must be done before Luke's arrival! I am now 33.2 weeks and loving every minute of it. Last weekend, we finally got Luke's room painted to my satisfaction. Now, we just have to get the carpets cleaned before we start putting in the furniture. I'm gonna have to get ceiling fans installed in Luke and Tobi's room. If I remember correctly, there was some kind of electrical reason that Matt and his dad couldn't put Tobi's in.

Tuesday I had my baby shower at work. It was very nice. No one knew where I was registered since it didn't make it on the invitations, but we got a lot of great stuff-a 264 count box of different-sized diapers! I have some really great co workers. Once the shower was over, I was on my way home for the rest of the afternoon. Wednesday, we had a special day at work, and got to leave for the day at 11:30, to eat lunch and have a get together away from work. I was home fairly early that day too, after I got the oil changed, picked up a smoke detector, dropped some books off at the library, picked Tobi up from school and picked up Luke's crib and comforter set! Yes, I was tired. Thursday turned out to be very interesting. My OB apt was at 12:30. I was anxious to get some things done at work since I'd been out a good bit this week. About 10 am, Tobi's vice principle, Mr. Lowery,called me at work. He explained to me that Tobi had said something violent at school (I'm not gonna say exactly what he supposably said, but this was SO out of character for Tobi). I got very upset and began bawling. What the VP said that Tobi said was such a shock because he doesn't watch anything violent except shows like Transformers, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Batman, all fantasy, and Tobi called it "make believe" so I know he understands it is not real. Anyway, he told me that they'd talked to Tobi and they just wanted to let me know about this incident, because it scared some of the other kids. I couldn't stop crying. I was so upset. I emailed Matt to tell him what happened, since I couldn't talk to him on the phone, in my emotional state. I was also a bit angry, thinking he'd contributed to this with one of the shows he watches that I know Tobi's caught some of asMatt watched before, even though he knows I despise the show. It's an adult "cartoon" but it's very crude and not a bit funny to me. Anyway, 2 of my co workers had thought I wasn't at my desk and peeped their heads over, only to see me very upset. I told them what happened and they were so sweet to comfort me and assure me that it was just the enemy trying to get me upset. Since I haven't had any real problems with this pregnancy with Luke, he's pulling at strings to try and discourage me or cause me to go into labor early. I agreed and could see it as well. I started getting a horrible migraine, which was also related to the weather change but this surely didnt help.

I had been so upset that for breakfast, I had a bagel with cream cheese and had not eaten anything since. By 12:30, when I got to the OB's office, my urine showed some ketones in it because of fasting for several hours. My glucose was fine, BP fine, weight fine, and Luke's heart rate was fine. I didn't tell Joey what happened but he could tell I didn't feel well and told me to take something soon. He said that the plan was to remove the cerclage b\t 35-36 weeks. I didn't understand this because I'm gonna have a section anyway, but he reminded me that if I was to go into labor, the cerclage could rip my cervix-not good. He told me that it's not as if as soon as the cerclage is removed, I will dilate and go into labor. He said that most women continue for several more weeks and he's had many patients that he actually had to induce for failure to dilate at all. I also asked him about the swine flu and all that and he said that at this point they do not have the vaccine, so if I was exposed, they would put me on Tami flu. I am standing firm in faith, that this will not be an issue with our family. I told my sweet friend, and nurse Veronica, about what had happened and she assured me that Tobi didnt say it with harm, but she agreed it was an attack from the enemy. I left the office and headed to get some medicine for my head, and pick Tobi up from school. I stopped and got something to eat on the way. I had Matt's mom pick up the last vile of my Delalutin shots-it's surreal that this is the last 4 shots! She called me as I waited in line at the school, but I couldn't get any of the incident out verbally without just losing it, hysterically crying. I managed to tell her and she was as shocked as I was, but told me that everything would be okay. Tobi's teacher, Amy, had left me a voicemail that everything was fine, and Mr. Lowery had told her that I was very upset, (he said he'd never had a parent cry when he had to call them about something that happened at school!) She didn't want me to be upset and everything was fine now. She later told me on the phone that she'd let Mr. Lowery know that I was expecting and at this point, something insignificant could make me cry, much less this. Once I picked Tobi up, and was calm and not crying, we talked about what happened and he actually said something very different than was the VP had told me-which his teacher later confirmed. It wasn't anything good but at least I could understand where it came from. We didn't spank Tobi but we did discuss the severity of what had happened and why it was bad. He seemed to understand, and Amy assured me on the phone that she knew Tobi was a sweet boy and it was just something boys do or say that docent mean any intentional harm.

By the time Matt got home from work, I was pooped, but we'd told Tobi that we'd let him start Taekwondo and it was the night for his first lesson. So, we went. It's very close and the owner, Mark Smith, of the school, Taekwondo Plus, in Pelham is a wonderful Christian. Matt was a second degree black belt, and he even told Matt that if he ever wanted to get back into it, he wouldn't lose his rank. It was very neat to watch Tobi get started. As we talked to Mark, we knew we wanted Tobi to start. It would be good for him physically, as well as to learn the qualities of self control, and all that goes along with being a successful student and person. We got Tobi's uniform and schedule for his age group. Mark said if Tobi comes regularly, he'll be ready to compete by November.

So, we missed the class last night, as I thought it was at 6 but it was at 5, however, one of the instructors was very kind to do a bit, one on one, with Tobi before teaching his class of Ju Jitsu. We did make it this morning, and Tobi had a great time. It was neat to see these little guys sparing against one another. Their was a little Asian boy, Noah, who may have been 5, and he was a brown belt! I think this will be a very good sport for Tobi.

I'm very excited about my baby shower at my sister-in-law's home. I hope to get to see some friends that I don't get to see and visit with very often. I wanted to get the post updated, but will talk about my devotional on the post tomorrow as I talk about how the shower went and all the goodies that we got!

Thank you Lord, for your amazing gift of life!

Faithfully His,


Thursday, August 13, 2009

I feel somewhat behind this week, so I'll start with the update. I am 32 weeks today, and everything continues to go un-eventful, Praise God. I feel I am in the nesting phase. I'm a bit panicky about not having everything done by the time Luke gets here, but I know it will all work out. I've been very excited about my upcoming showers. Yesterday, I got out the invitations I ordered online for the friends and family shower. They turned out great. I had Matt paint Luke's room. Now men, sometimes, we women do know a thing or 2 and it's wise to listen, especially if we've done it before ourselves. I wont get into the details, but my husband got paint on the ceiling and told me he'd touch up the ceiling.....uh, no cause you cant touch up white. There is no "true white", only many different shades of it. So, the ceiling will be painted this weekend, and if I get my way-which I will- one of the walls will be painted as an accent wall. I want to paint something myself on it, but I feel like I may not have time. We'll just have to see.

I went to my OB apt on Tuesday, and was disappointed that it took as long as it did, AND I didn't get to see Joey, it was some resident. I guess he got called away. Anyway, everything was run of the mill, BP normal, urine normal, Luke's heart beat normal, measurement and weight normal. So, the plan is to take the cerclage out at 36 weeks, the just let him come when he may-hopefully at 39 weeks, the first week of October. I'm rather anxious to know how much he weighs, since I know he's at least 4 lbs. I hope I'll have at least 1 more u\s, as we haven't gotten a CD of him like we did for Tobi and Layah. So that's the update on my wonderful big-belly pregnancy, growing bigger every day.

Today Tobi started first grade, and it was very bitter sweet. This morning as I got ready, Tobi was still snoozing in our bed, and he opened his eyes and said, "Mama, I want to go to school", so I told him to get up to get dressed. As we brushed his teeth he said, "Mama, I'm excited." I was glad to hear that. Then, as we waited on the bus, him sitting in the van with his new Transformer backpack on, he said, "Mama, I'm a bit nervous"! I was so tickled. I explain to him, that his excitement was probably making him have those butterflies in his tummy. He waived to me as he sat in the front of the bus, and off they went. It was a memorable morning. When I went to meet his teacher Tuesday, I cried a lot of the way home because just like last year, I'm reminded that Layah will never get to experience that "first day of school" feeling. My mind always says, "why couldn't they have figured out the problem before she came and had to die?" but I know, that' ll never be answered here on earth. A verse I read today says "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past" Isaiah 43:18. I just have to visualize that Layah will watch her brothers (and maybe sister(s) one going to school. I know that she is most likely occupied in heaven with all it's amazement, but this thought comforts me. The devotional today was titled He is Enough and it talked about how overwhelming life can be with disappointment, debt, illness, etc that lead to all kinds of feelings of depression, hopelessness, doubt, despair, anger, etc. We've all experience many of these, even as believers. The verse it spoke of was Matthew 14: 22-23. In verse 29-32 it says, "...then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith, ' he said, 'why did you doubt?' And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down." I noticed this is very similar to the verse I have tattooed above Layah's feet print, which at the time foretold a lot about faith to me.

The disciples were in a similar situation, in a boat, with Jesus, and a storm came, and they freaked. This was the second time, yet Peter-after actually walking on the water to Jesus- began to lose his faith because of the wind, the wind! I felt like the Lord was speaking to me that even after He shows us amazing supernatural things, in our lives or others, (like Peter walking on the water), we still get distracted in our circumstances and by the "wind". We have to remember that He has never left us and we must trust Him. He will keep us safe, and get us through out circumstances.

My heart has been heavy for my dear friends Johanna and Amber, as they struggle emotionally in their fight with their bodies in their hopes for becoming mothers. I know they are both willing to do anything to make this happen, but you see, that's just it, no matter what, it's not up to us, nor our timing. I know the Lord will bless these 2 women with children-when His timing is perfect, and that's very hard to swallow. I remember having that chemical pregnancy in December 2008 and thinking, this is not fair, especially after EVERYTHING I've been through. I was looking at the "wind", which is what we do as humans, since the disciples even did it and Jesus was with them. I was distracted from our miracle in Tobi's survival and healing, and in Matt's recovery, in my recovery of Anorexia\Bulimia, in my mom's life being spared from breast cancer, etc. It's hard to see those times when you're out there " on the water", trying to focus on Him, and then the wind starts. It's hard to see and hard to hear His voice, yet His hands are stretched out, ready for ours to take His, in faith. I ask that you continue to pray for both of these women. Satan continues to attack their minds and hearts with fear, doubt, worry, discouragement, anger, and hopelessness. We know that our God is the Author of life, and since He never changes, the same power He used to give Sarah and Abraham a son, in their extremely old age, is the same power He can and will use in our lives.

Lord, wrap your arms around all the mothers that are struggling with infertility, grief, a sick or dying child, or even those moms that are just overwhelmed. Please lay your Holy Spirit on each of them, giving them the Peace that passes all understanding. Give them your hope, your joy, and your healing. We praise you for seeing the plans laid out for us as mothers so long ago. Help us to keep our eyes and hearts turned towards you. Thank you for loving us enough to sacrifice your own Son, and understanding our pain,our heartache, and our longing. Amen

Faithfully His,


Thursday, August 6, 2009 matter WHAT

As I was reading today's devotional it really hit home. It was about being thankful, NO MATTER our circumstances. As we go through trials and tragedies, it feels, during those events, that there is nothing to be thankful for, but that is not true. The verse today was Psalms 30 and I've picked out some of the highlights that the Lord used to speak to me. "I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me, " To me, Satan-our ultimate enemy- would like nothing better than to gloat over our turning from God during difficult times because we feel He's abandoned us or not answered our prayers, or relationships fail during difficult times, anything not of God that happens basically. But the Lord is right there with us in our lowest low. "...O Lord, my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. You brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit." I know that grief is a life-long process, however, I know the Lord did heal my heart to be open and receptive to His perfect plan for my life, and our family's and to accept that His ways are not mine, and He healed any doubt that may have been swirling around in my head about His love for me, since this tragedy of Layah's death was allowed to happen. He healed my womb, with the help of medical advancements, research, and amazing specialized physicians. He kept me from becoming consumed with depression, guilt, failure, anger, bitterness, doubt, etc. "....weeping remains for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" I researched the word day used in Hebrew, which is "Yom" and in referenced, the word can denote 1) the period of light, as in contrast to the period of darkness, 2)the period of 24 hours, 3) a vague "time", 4) a point of time, 5) a year. So the word "Yom" in Hebrew can be used anywhere from a 12 hour period, to a year, or even a vague 'time period'.
The word night in Latin (which would have been used in Psalm) is vesperum, and particularly in this part of the verse, "weeping may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning", and in Latin it is "Ad vesperum demorabitur fletus et ad matutinum laetita". I have been trying to get some of the meanings of the word vesperum, but there are many different variations of Latin. Nevertheless, it was plainly clear to me, that today the importance was to remember there is no specified time of weeping, in any difficult circumstance, BUT the next verse is just as important. "When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken. Oh Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm...." To me, David knew that no matter what situation his "weeping" was for, he would be secure in the Lord. David later went on to say, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent, O Lord, my God, I will give you thanks forever". David experienced much loss, and threats on his life, but through it all, he could still praise the Lord with these words of praise and thanksgiving.
The devotional said, "suffering eventually touches us all. And in times of difficulty, thankfulness is usually not our first response." which is obvious, but it went on suggesting that God looks pleasingly at us when we find reasons to be thankful despite our bad circumstances, since He holds us close, always.

Today I pray, Lord, give me that kind of thankfulness- no matter what comes our way. Help us to praise you through it all. After all, your sacrifice on the cross, is enough cause for us to be thankful, the precious gift of salvation, for the rest of our days.

"Under His wings, what a refuge in sorrow!
How the heart yearningly turns to His rest!
Often when the earth has no balm for my healing,
There I find comfort, and there I am blessed."- Cushing

Faithfully His,


Monday, August 3, 2009

UAB Hospital overnight stay but all is well

So yesterday, I had a very relaxing day to myself while Matt and Tobi went to Nana and Papa's house for most of the day. I watched a bunch of Lifetime movies, (I haven't watched this channel in forever, but I got sucked into one of the movies, and then it just continued. must be the hormones), while I worked on laundry, did dishes, vacuumed, and some other cleaning. I guess the lounging most of the day was in preparation for an eventful afternoon and night! Since Tobi is hearing impaired, when he is not wearing both his hearing aids, (or as we call them, his "ears"), he tends to act out and is much more disruptive and his behavior is not good. One of his aids has been sent off for repairs to the manufacturer and normally that takes about 2 weeks. Well, yesterday the other "ear" started malfunctioning. I put it in it's dryer, (which helps absorb some of the sweat or moisture that can cause it's circuits to mess up). While it was in there, Tobi was in his room and began watching a DVD. It was blaring loud, so I went in to make him turn it down some, since he was sitting right in front of the TV. I told him that it was too loud and turned it down, and as I was talking to him about something else, (which he probably couldnt hear me talking anyway), he started turning it back up. I said, "Tobi, I said NO" and he punched me in the stomach. It wasn't the kind of punch that takes your breath away, or as hard as I know he can hit, but nevertheless, it was a punch to the mid-side. I was so angry and upset, I grabbed him and took him to the bathroom and held the door closed with him in there. After 7 minutes-based on he's almost 7- I went in (because we do believe in "spare the rod, spoil the child" but I did not want to spank him while I was mad), and I told him that he knew he would still have to have a punishment for hitting me and explained to him all the reasons and dangers for why that was not acceptable behavior. He received his punishment, cried, we hugged and he said he was sorry, and I could tell it was genuine. He understood what he'd done, although I dont know if he realized the severeity of what could happen to Luke.

So, the incident was over, but with everything we have been through, I could not be at ease and began to cry. Matt knew I wanted to go get checked out at UAB, but I wanted him to stay with Tobi. I called my mom and she came to get me. I was not having any symptoms, bleeding, pain, contractions I could feel, but I knew something could be going on, without me knowing. We got to the UAB triage about 6:15pm and they put me on the monitors. All the nurses that kept coming out through my whole stay in triage and on the maternity floor, all kept commenting on how awesome Luke was doing and his monitor showed so. They do not rely on U/S for diagnosis blood pooling-which I thought they'd do- because, apparently, it's only 15% reliable. They rely on the monitors of my uterus and Luke's heart rate. They would watch me for 4 hours and if things continued, I'd be kept for a 23-hour observation stay. I continued to have contractions -although I could not feel them- so they got an IV ready for me. It took the poor nurse (and my poor hands and wrists) 3 times because I was dehydrated. Since I continued to have contractions, I was taken upstairs. I thought they were going to give me meds, but the doctors were not alarmed to take that measure. I was very nervous (that's an understatement) about them doing a pelvic exam, since nothing has been "down there" (again, like I said before, sorry if this gets a bit graphic but it's my story), since about 21 weeks when they checked my cervical length and thickness. All the other times, the docs had used the U/S to check it. So, at first, while I was downstairs I refused, (not like never-gonna-happen refuse, but unless an attending-not a resident- said it was a must, or if I began having pain or other complications, I'd rather not). One of the nurses that was in her late 50's commented on how that was a good thing to do, since not all patients are "by the book", which for me, that couldnt be more true. By the time we got upstairs to a room, it was about 11pm. I was beginning to get a migraine because of not having anything to eat since about 1:30 pm, and had had very little to drink-since they wanted to keep me NPO in case of any change that would require a c-section. The attending came in and said that she felt I needed to be checked with a pevlic exam because if the uterus was dilating, the cerclage stiches would rip and we'd have some serious problems. I agreed and she performed the exam. She stated there was no shortening of the cervix, no dilation and no blood on her gloves-all the best outcomes. I was so relieved. Since I'd started to get a migraine, they were gonna get me some medication, which they said could also help with the contractions. I got some oral Percocet-which helped the headache, but keeps my wide awake. So by 2:30, I was still wide awake, but my body was tired. So I asked the charge nurse for some benydrl and she said, "we can give you some Ambien." I was a bit nervous, but apparently, this is a common medication they administer and is safe. So, I took it and did get to finally sleep for a couple of hours, before they had to move us because a mom needed the room to have her baby. Mom and I did not sleep well. We had expected to see the docs farily early, as so many other times in the hospital, I've been awoken at 4:00 or 4:30 am with docs coming in for rounds. No such luck this time. I continued to stay on the monitors all day, and was still NPO. Finally, at 1:30 or 2, I was okayed a regular diet. My sweet mother in law brought me some food.

So many of my sweet friends and co worker's called and text me, letting me know that prayers were being lifted up for Luke and me. I know this is how Luke has continued to stay safely in my womb. I didnt expect to get to go home until about 8pm tonight, but while talking to a friend from work, one of the residents came in, checked the strips from the monitors and said, "ready to go home?". That was music to my ears! She said one of the main doctors in charge, (which I knew she was talking about Dr. Tita, who is one of the MFM doctors in my group), said if I continued to be A-contracual, (having contracts typical for all pregnant women, but not the kind that cause concern for immediate labor), I could go home. So, at 5pm, Matt and I were out the door! Woo hoo! God is so faithful and I know He continues to hear and act on our prayers for Luke's safe and full-term arrival.
I read today this verse:

Romans 1:16-20
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last,
just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."

It reminded me of what we learned on such a deeper level, with Layah's life and death- our lives depend on our faith. We become righteous in His sight by our faith. I know He will continue to reveal Himself through our journey to bring out children into this world, full term and healthy. I pray that He will continue to strengthen my faith, and that of my family's.

Faithfully His,